Christmas Etiquette For Toddlers

To all toddlers; here is your guide for the time of year called Christmas.

  1. This is a stressful time of the year, be patient with the adults in your life.
  2. The pretty coloured balls on the Christmas Tree are not toys. Bouncing or throwing them across the room is frowned upon.
  3. Eating baubles and any other Christmas decoration for that matter is generally frowned upon.
  4. Adults will come home with items called presents that are pretty coloured boxes with ribbon, and bows and other fascinating things. Not all of these presents are yours. Do not rip, shred, pull, poke or have fun in any way with any of the items placed under the Christmas tree. This is also frowned upon.
  5. Painting said Christmas presents in pasta sauce, any other kind of food or sticky or unremovable substance is frowned upon.
  6. Your parents will insist you sit on the lap of some strange man in a red suit with a white beard. This is your turn to shine. Your parents expect you to cry and be unhappy so you have to give them what they want. It is ok, they have prepared for this and the louder and harder you cry the happier they will be. They will retell this story for years so give them something to really talk about.
  7. Adults will insist on, at some point, dressing you up in some sort of stupid costume. You will not escape this. On a happier note they may also dress up the pet dog and/or cat so at least you have a friend to be miserable and plot your revenge with.
  8. Streaking naked across the room with family around on Christmas day is generally frowned upon.
  9. Christmas Day with all the family around is the perfect time to use that word. You know the one, the word that gets giggles and sniggers from other parents and a look of horror on your parents. That word is worth more than your wait in milk in value!
  10. Your parents will either host or attend lots of parties. It is important to remember not to do the following:
    • Hug and kiss random people.
    • Eat food of anything not attended (floor, plate, table, dogs bowl etc).
    • Sing Christmas Carols at the top of your lungs (this apparently is not appreciated).
    • Let rip a smell so fowl that people near you will pass out. This is an especially big no no in the middle of dinner.
    • Streaking naked.
    • Open any presents lying around.
    • Share your half eaten food with anyone other than your parents.

Hopefully these tips will help you as the toddler in the household get through this interesting time that is Christmas.

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