It’s a Secret!

When they say your breasts will feel tender but not sore beginning in that first trimester, they lied.  At least about mine.  I got a bit of a reprieve in the second trimester, but now that I’m in the third, I expect that to change again.  I was also plagued with nausea and extreme fatigue during those first few months.  I am not sure how I survived at work some days.  I kept expecting to vomit but never did.  It was both a relief and of concern. I read somewhere that women who have bad morning sickness have a lower risk of miscarriage.  I don’t know if that’s actually true, but it stuck in my head.  There are other symptoms, more minor ones, that I still contend with: acne all over and in strange places, leg cramps, ligament and muscle pain, limp and oily hair, congestion, and gas just to name a few.   That pregnancy glow we always hear about?  It’s not something I’m lucky enough to have.  We won’t even talk about how frequently I visit the restroom.  And I understand that particular regular fieldtrip will get worse in the coming months.  The second trimester otherwise was relatively easy going.  I’m not quite sure what to expect now that I’m in the third trimester.  All in all, I have my good days and bad days.  Some much worse than others.

The lightness of my symptoms early on worked out very well for me given that I didn’t want anyone to know I was pregnant initially.  I kept it a secret for the first 14 weeks from friends and coworkers.  Even now, seven months in, there are people who are just finding out.  I wasn’t too keen on making a big announcement about it.  I tend to be a very private person, and I feel uncomfortable with a lot of attention.

My husband and I told our families at 8 weeks, after my first prenatal appointment.  I told my boss when I was 13 weeks along.  I was so nervous.  I had rehearsed what I would tell her: walk in calmly and tell her I was going to request a long vacation starting in March.  Instead I walked into her office and blurted out, “I’m pregnant!”  She grinned and wished me congratulations.  I stood there, saying nothing.  “Congratulations, right?  This is a good thing?” She asked.  I finally relaxed after twenty minutes of conversation.  I really had no reason to be so nervous.  I had worked myself up though because of a comment she’d made regarding a coworker who was pregnant with twins.

My coworker is two years older than I am and my boss had said something to the effect of that being too old to be starting with children now.  I was sure she was going to think the same thing about me.  I am, after all, what the medical profession refers to as a pregnant woman of advanced maternal age.

I told my staff during an offsite unit meeting the following week.  On my birthday to be exact.  I should probably pause here to tell you that I have an odd sense of humor.  Subtlety dry at times while silly and off the wall the next.  I once went around the office telling people I was moving to Kentucky because of a job offer my husband received.  It had been April Fool’s Day, so you think they would have known it was a lie.  Anyway, I told my five staff I was pregnant and no one believed me.  Not one.  I hadn’t realized that little fact, however, until we were outside the restaurant and two staff had already left.  I remember being surprised they weren’t happier for me.  While I was sure my boss would not approve, I was certain my own staff would be ecstatic.

It wasn’t until I mentioned to one of my staff that I needed her help coming up with names that it became clear to her that I was serious.  Everyone still there at that point got out their cell phones and started texting away.  By the time I walked into the office the next day, everyone knew.  I was just relieved not to have to make another announcement.  I later learned that one of the staff who had left before knowing my news was true had actually called my boss after receiving the text from her friend to verify whether I was telling the truth or not.  My boss and this particular staff are friends–so it isn’t as strange as it may sound.

From there, the news started to come out, whether through word of mouth or my subtle comments here and there.  Everyone’s excitement was like my finding out I was pregnant for the first time–I loved it.  At the same time, I found it overwhelming.  There were moments, especially when I kept getting the same questions over and over again, I wished it was mine and my husband’s (and our parents) little secret again.

The fact that we’re pregnant and that we are having a girl is no longer a secret.  But we are keeping back our daughter’s name.  Only my husband and I know what we plan to call her.  And that particular secret, I won’t be sharing until the very end.

When did you first let the cat out of the bag that you were pregnant?  Did you keep it a secret or share the news as soon as you could?


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rainbowg
    Dec 18, 2010 @ 11:01:41

    I was like you. I kept my pregnancy a secret for quite a long time, and even after the 3 month mark was still hesitant to tell people. I liked having my own special secret, enjoying being pregnant without the attention and constant questions. Although, when I did tell people I was surprised how excited many of them were, even more excited than me! As you say, it was like finding out about it again for the first time and it actually made the pregnancy more exciting. Then I found out that one of my closest friends was due a month after me, and at work one of my managers was due exactly a week after!


  2. caspette
    Dec 18, 2010 @ 17:00:56

    We only told my parents when we found out, mostly because they were worried about me being so sick. We held off telling everyone else till we got to the 12 week mark. Then we told family, some close friends and I had to let work know, but only my immediate boss. I didnt really show till about 7 months and thats when other people found out. Im like you and Im pretty private so I didn’t really tell anyone.

    We however told everyon what we were having and the name lol


  3. Literary Feline
    Jan 01, 2011 @ 10:13:41

    Rainbow – There is something to be said for having a special secret like that, isn’t there? Like you, I was surprised at how excited some people were for me–and still are. LOL

    And it does seem like everyone around me is pregnant and due around the same time–just like you mentioned!

    Caspette – It’s funny when I run into someone at work, an old friend, who doesn’t know. 🙂 I did mention it in my Christmas cards this year–so now even more people know who might not have known before.


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