The Moment I Found Out

This time around I waited the prerequisite days recommended on the instructions of the pregnancy test.  I kept telling myself it was just like last time.  My period was delayed.  It was stress.  Between months of trying to get pregnant, my then upcoming visit to my parents for my brother’s wedding, dealing with a sick cat, and the usual stressors that come with work . . . I had a lot on my plate.   It was anything but my actually being pregnant. Yet I still hoped.  When I took the test and it came back positive, I cried.  I thanked God.  I hugged the cats and dog.  I think I may have even squealed.

While some couples trying to conceive might prefer to share in the moment of taking the test, I was too impatient.  It was something I wanted to do on my own.  Maybe I thought it would cushion the blow if the answer that came back wasn’t the one I wanted to see.  I’m not sure.  Regardless, as soon as I got home from work  the evening of June 30th, I took the pregnancy test.  The little plus sign appeared almost immediately.  I ran out to the store to buy a card so I could surprise my husband with the news when he got home work later that night.  I will always remember his expression when he opened the card and saw my tiny note letting him know he was going to be a father.  My husband, who never cries, had tears in his eyes.  I don’t remember ever seeing him so happy.

Then the fear set in.  What were we thinking?!  Were we really ready for this?  We thought we were, but suddenly I felt anything but ready.  I wasn’t ready at all!  I dragged my husband to the bookstore where we bought two different pregnancy books, both of which I started that night.  I’m very much a process person and I have been devouring the books, wanting to know exactly what my body is going through and how the baby is developing.

The books have been wonderful.  They cover many of the questions I have had over the past few months, not to mention set the record straight on some of those old wives’ tales my friends and family have shared.  I’m sure my doctor and midwife would be happy too if they knew how often those books kept me from calling them over some trivial question or concern.  As a first time parent-to-be, every little symptom or concern can seem like a big deal, no matter how normal.  The forums for expectant mothers have been a blessing too, in their own way.  Since my husband and I chose to keep our pregnancy a secret for the first trimester, having that support and place to go to talk–or even just read–about our shared experiences proved a lifesaver.  I did learn, however, that sometimes things said on the forum need to be taken with a grain of salt.  It’s always best to consult with a doctor.  No two pregnancies are exactly alike and there are so many old wives’ tales out there.  If I listened to them all, there would be only two foods I could eat and I would have to live in a bubble.

So, if I have any tips for a person going through pregnancy for the first time, I would recommend getting a pregnancy book.  And actually read it.  They really do contain valuable information that is worth knowing.  It can ease your mind and help you understand what is going on with your body.  If you can talk your mate into reading it too, even better.  Or do what I do and read the important parts (or more interesting/funny parts)  to him or her.  Unfortunately the books don’t have all the answers.  There’s a lot I still do not know.  As I said before, every pregnancy is different and even with similar symptoms, what works for one person may not work for another.  Also, don’t feel silly for calling your doctor, nurse or midwife if you do have questions or concerns, no matter how small you may think it is.  That’s what they are there for and they often know best.

I am now in my six month of pregnancy, fast approaching my 7th, and I still do not feel ready.  No new parent ever does.  Not if they are completely honest.  You can have all the material items you need to get started but when it gets right down to it, you can’t even begin to imagine how much your life will change.  I am scared and excited, all rolled into one.

I feel a bit out of place on a blog for mothers.  This is my first pregnancy and the only other “children” I’ve raised are of the furry variety.  I am not due until the beginning of March and so feel like I fall somewhere in between being a mother and not being one.  I have no sage advice or helpful hints to offer.  I can only tell you about my own experience–and perhaps gain insight from yours if you’re willing to share.  Some days I may share part of my story while others I may ask for your advice or opinions.  Mostly, I hope to connect with other mothers to celebrate or commiserate over our experiences.

I would love to hear about your experience in discovering you were pregnant.  Please share!


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rainbowg
    Dec 11, 2010 @ 10:01:22

    Finding out I was pregnant was very surreal, and I think it stayed that way for a long time for me and my partner. It didn’t really become real until the baby started to move. You are right that you never really feel ready. We started shopping for the big baby items (furniture, stroller) around the 7 month mark, and I think that helped make it more real. Didn’t think about delivery too much until a few weeks beforehand too, less stressful that way I think. Even now, at 3 months after birth, I still don’t really feel like a parent a lot of the time!

    The books were definitely helpful, in particular What to Expect When Expecting was good as a reference book. I’ve found that after the birth, the books are good to begin with when you have no ideas… but after the first month or so you get a lot of support from the local nurse, friends and your mothers group.


    • Literary Feline
      Dec 13, 2010 @ 01:22:37

      It took a long while before I full believed it too. I took a pregnancy test again a couple of weeks after the first positive one just to be sure I hadn’t made a mistake. I hated that my doctor wouldn’t see me right away. LOL

      Not thinking about delivery until closer to the time is a good idea. I try not to dwell on it too much. It’s hard sometimes though when everyone’s sharing their birthing stories with me.

      What to Except When You’re Expecting is one of the books I’ve been reading and it’s a great resource, I agree.


  2. caspette
    Dec 11, 2010 @ 16:19:01

    Yes you are never really ready. I know I wasn’t. Even when the cot was set up and the pram bought etc I would just not connect the dots. I

    Kaz Cooks Up the Duff is pretty funny and presents the information in a not so scary way. But I found online birth clubs and other mummy friends to be a wealth of information, so much so I found my prenatal class to be a bit of a waste.

    Dont feel out of place because the journey of being pregnant is all part of being a parent!


    • Literary Feline
      Dec 13, 2010 @ 01:41:32

      I will have to look for Kaz Cooks Up and Duff. I read a pregnancy book that a friend gave me not too long ago that was hilarious while at the same time being completely honest. It is called Belly Laughs.

      I haven’t found the online forums and groups all that helpful in terms of getting information or finding more honest and up to date answers to questions in terms of what my body is going through and what I can and shouldn’t do. The groups and forums are great for support, but that’s about it. And it’s the same with well meaning friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love hearing the personal stories–I do learn from that–quite a bit. It’s just when it comes to medical advice and such, I’m going to turn to the experts.

      I took my first parenting/pregnancy class yesterday and found it extremely informative. I feel a bit more confident. I’m sorry your experience wasn’t the same. I think it was especially worthwhile for my husband–he got a chance to hear and see first hand some of the things I’ve been telling him about. Plus, he has a better idea of what he can do to help, especially after the baby comes.


  3. caspette
    Dec 13, 2010 @ 22:52:17

    She also has Kid Wrangling which is Birth through to Toddler. I am enjoying it alot. Perhaps try and get your hands on that one too!


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