toyboxtales

Shopping Centre’s Are A New Kind Of Nightmare

caspette — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 00:55:55 +0000

Shopping centres must surely be some diabolical level of hell. I was never a huge fan of shopping centres even in my teen “hang around doing nothing but looking oh so cool even if we are the only ones who think so” phase. Usually food was just about the only way to get me there, oh and the promise of buying a book.

But when going to a shopping centre with a child it just takes on a whole new level of torture.

Yesterday we stopped in at the small shopping “town” (because mall sounds to low brow) to duck into our local grocery store and buy a few things. In the fifteen minutes we were there (yes we actually did a quick food shop with a toddler in tow. I am as surprised as you are) we still managed to get a toddlers arm stuck in the chair, nearly run over by a rampaging shopping trolley, get trampled over by hurumphing adults, and then navigate through a cloud of cigarette smoke. Sadly this was a good shop.

Shopping centres in general are just one big hazard. I will not go near one if I know its going to be packed with crowds (so lunch time is pretty much ruled out). You have an obstacle course of shopping trolley’s, prams, harassed other parents, teenagers, ice cream shops, delivery people, shop attendants, and then entertainment/game machines (you know those rides or toy dispensers with the claw).

Phew, and amongst all of this people (strangely enough, more often then not, those WITH kids) seem to think you should have this well-behaved child. When in reality the shopping centre is one massive sensory (and temptation) overload and it would be (I think) impossible to realistically expect your child to not go bat guano crazy. Which leads me to the next point; you can almost guarantee that when you are trying to do your fastest shop, and/or your nerves are frayed there will be a tantrum/melt down/accident involving your child that will make you just want to die of shame or punch the glaring, pain in the ass stranger next to you.

A lot of the time family rooms (for changes and feeds if your baby is young enough) are so revolting you wouldn’t step foot in there without knowing your vaccinations were all up to date, let alone take a child in there. That’s if they even have a family room. There were many a time I trudged back to the car to feed little monkey because the family rooms grossed me out and I wasn’t going to sit in full view of everyone to breast feed.

But wait it gets even worse once your child can actually walk. Clothes shopping is just as traumatic with those high clothes racks that kiddies can easily and quickly slide under. Seriously you would swear someone had rolled your child in lard and pushed them hard as they sail with gay merriment under the racks. Do not underestimate the speed of a child who knows they have gotten away! I can guarantee, once your child can walk, that you will probably lose your child at least once during it’s child hood, which wont make you feel better when it happens but at least you have a small comfort in knowing you are not the only one. Loosing your child a the shopping centre will make every everything pale in comparison even if your child is only gone for a few minutes, you will feel the worst that you have felt ever.

Some shopping centres have a small children’s play area which is great, fantastic even except you can’t leave your kids there to do your shopping (you can’t right? Right? No I am sure someone would object). Oh and there are those little kiddie trolley things which are impractical (you can’t put much shopping in it) and uncomfortable for the kids.

So these days any joy I did used to have going to a shopping centre is long gone as a simple trip usually involves a degree of planning that would leave an army general in the middle of a battle blushing at his inadequacies. Find a system that works for you and stick with it, as it will go some way towards saving your sanity. But also be prepared for the fact that shopping is not going to be enjoyable for you with a child in tow for quite some time.

Emergency Plan

caspette — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 06:04:38 +0000

We recently had a bit of a scare in that I got very sick late at night last weekend (edited – I am not ok it was a 24 hour thing thank goodness). We had to go to the emergency department at our local hospital because I got very sick very quickly and there were no GP’s open at that time of night. My parents who are normally our back up plan for caring for the little monkey if we are unable to, were away on holidays. Our close friend who is back up number 2 was also away. So we were stuck with a sleeping toddler and an urgent need to get me to hospital. Thankfully we were able to call a friend of ours and his girlfriend who were happy to come over at 11pm and keep an eye on our little money (despite our attack cat going bonkers at them).

This made us realise we really need to think of some emergency contingency plans for the future. We can not just assume that our default back up carers will be around. You really do need a network of people you can rely on. But this is easier said then done I know. Especially when you are the first out of your closest friends to have kids (and your friends don’t have kids), you live alone, are a single parent and so on (you get the picture). How you over come these barriers I have no idea and I am sorry I have no recommendations on what to do if you are in that situation (will be happy to hear suggestions). But long story short you need to have a serious think and have a network of trusted people you can call on if needed.

But one thing this situation made me realise is that this goes bigger picture then just who would care for my child if we can not. Emergencies come in all shapes and sizes. In some ways I am prepared, we have a first aid kit for instance but I’ll be honest, if something bad happened where I actually needed to use it for anything other than applying a band-aid, well I wouldn’t know what to do. There is a very good chance the poor person requiring first aid would get slathered in antiseptic cream and wrapped head to toe in bandages and band-aids. We have a smoke alarm but what would we actually do if we woke up one night and the alarm was going and smoke was pouring in under our door? But while you are on your planning kick you should look at the bigger bigger picture and what would we do during a disaster like a cyclone or zombie apocalypse?? (ok this one IS already mapped up. I clearly have priorities).

I guess we all have a vague idea of what we should do in an emergency, and would like to think when it is crunch time we would be so awesome and be a fantastic emergency responder in our household. But when it comes to crunch time do we really know? I used to laugh in the movies where the “crazy” dad or mum would make the family do emergency drills. In fact Big Bang Theory recently had an episode where Sheldon did just this. Was hilarious at the time. Not laughing so hard now. Now I think this might not be such a crazy idea. We do drills at school and work so why not in the home?

So over the next month or so we are going to develop some real emergency situation plans (fire, accident, cyclone, zombie apocalypse etc) and have them in an easily accessible place. Discuss with friends/family about care arrangements in the event both myself and hubby are not able to care for our little monkey. I feel silly for having one but at the same time it is a very real issue that needs to be addressed, because in an emergency situation the last thing you want to be thinking about is “who do we call?…..what do we do?”. One thing I know for certain I do not want to be in the situation we were in that night the other weekend where we stood there looking at each other (well I was not really standing was kind of crumpled in the living room but that’s off topic) and saying “what do we do??”. That was certainly up there in the top ten of my most scary moments and I don’t want it to happen again…EVER.

Toddler Talk

caspette — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 11:32:06 +0000

I never used to understand how parents could understand their toddlers. I would watch them listening intently to their child and say “oh yes certainly you can shove that car up your brothers nose” (or something to that effect). All I heard coming out of the toddlers mouth was noises, nothing even resembling words or sentences. I used to think parents just made it up to make the rest of us clueless people look silly.

Now I have my own toddler who is starting to talk and it really is like learning a whole new language. Probably no one else would know that my little monkey pronouncing “loud” and pointing at the roof really meant “thunder”. Sometimes you just “know” what the word is they are trying to say. To an outside person my little monkey saying eek eek would not register as him saying squeak squeak, but to my finely tuned ears that is exactly what he is saying.

But more than that, you get really good at reading body language and good old fashion detective work. A pointed finger, quivering lip and a cry could mean (depending on what is in the direction of the pointed finger) anything from wanting food/drink, toy, blanket or person/pet. You have to slowly and methodically (though usually its frantic and chaotically) work through each possible item till a big smile breaks on your toddlers face and they clap their hands in delight, and you think “eureka!”.

I am not afraid to admit that you don’t really know what your kid is saying you just make it up. There maybe a whole stream of jibberish and one recognisable word so you hear yourself saying “yes that is a pink polka dotted elephant, well done!”. It’s not like you child can say “oh come on I am not speaking Japanese pull it together woman I meant ‘get me a water’ not ‘there is a pink polka dotted elephant’ ”. So you have the advantage there over other adults, who secretly suspect you have no idea what your child is saying, but because you look like you know, they assume you do. As the saying goes “Fake it till you make it”.

The Santa Conspiracy

caspette — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 12:47:09 +0000

Recently my online mothers group were discussing Christmas and specifically would you lie to your child about Santa? There was a unanimous answer of heck yes!

I have been mulling the question over in my head since then. At the time I replied with I didn’t see it as lying but encouraging your child’s imagination. Also how is it wrong to use Santa as a way of teaching children about the values of Christmas such as charity, love, happiness, family,empathy, and good will (amongst others)? Because lets face it you can’t believe in Santa with out all the rest of Christmas with him….he IS Christmas, and everything that goes with it. I still stand by my statement, my son will learn about Santa and Christmas as being real.

Now I know some would argue “but you can teach your child those values with out Santa”, and yes I would agree, but at the same time it is so much easier to use Santa as a teaching tool, a mascot if you will. It is no coincidence that organisations, businesses, sports teams, and charities have mascots to sell their messages. It works. So as a teaching tool you don’t get much better than Santa who has proven to be an effective way of teaching children the values of Christmas for centuries.

But really for me I do not see anything wrong with my little monkey believing in Santa. I want him to know magic in his life, and I don’t mean magic like wizards and hocus pocus, but magic in the wonderment a child has thinking that ANYTHING is possible. It would be nice to be able to believe whole heartedly as an adult that a big jolly fat man in a suit can ride flying reindeer in one night delivering presents to good kids. Because if that is possible anything is possible.

So I think this argument boils down to one simple saying. Are you a glass half empty or half full kind of person? If you’re a glass empty type person then of course you are going to see all the negative connotations associated with Christmas and Santa, but if you are a glass half full kind of person you will see the best. I am not sure there is a right answer but I am going to (as my fellow online mummy said during this discussion) “lie my ass off”. I want my child to know the magic that is Christmas and Santa.

Christmas Etiquette For Toddlers

caspette — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 06:48:12 +0000

To all toddlers; here is your guide for the time of year called Christmas.

This is a stressful time of the year, be patient with the adults in your life.
The pretty coloured balls on the Christmas Tree are not toys. Bouncing or throwing them across the room is frowned upon.
Eating baubles and any other Christmas decoration for that matter is generally frowned upon.
Adults will come home with items called presents that are pretty coloured boxes with ribbon, and bows and other fascinating things. Not all of these presents are yours. Do not rip, shred, pull, poke or have fun in any way with any of the items placed under the Christmas tree. This is also frowned upon.
Painting said Christmas presents in pasta sauce, any other kind of food or sticky or unremovable substance is frowned upon.
Your parents will insist you sit on the lap of some strange man in a red suit with a white beard. This is your turn to shine. Your parents expect you to cry and be unhappy so you have to give them what they want. It is ok, they have prepared for this and the louder and harder you cry the happier they will be. They will retell this story for years so give them something to really talk about.
Adults will insist on, at some point, dressing you up in some sort of stupid costume. You will not escape this. On a happier note they may also dress up the pet dog and/or cat so at least you have a friend to be miserable and plot your revenge with.
Streaking naked across the room with family around on Christmas day is generally frowned upon.
Christmas Day with all the family around is the perfect time to use that word. You know the one, the word that gets giggles and sniggers from other parents and a look of horror on your parents. That word is worth more than your wait in milk in value!
Your parents will either host or attend lots of parties. It is important to remember not to do the following:

Hug and kiss random people.
Eat food of anything not attended (floor, plate, table, dogs bowl etc).
Sing Christmas Carols at the top of your lungs (this apparently is not appreciated).
Let rip a smell so fowl that people near you will pass out. This is an especially big no no in the middle of dinner.
Streaking naked.
Open any presents lying around.
Share your half eaten food with anyone other than your parents.

Hopefully these tips will help you as the toddler in the household get through this interesting time that is Christmas.